


Undone

by lonely_no_more



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Established Mikasa/Annie, Established Relationship, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-04-18 02:59:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4689794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonely_no_more/pseuds/lonely_no_more
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Graduation approaches for the 104th and Annie begins to have more and more nightmares. As it weighs on her, she begins to contemplate the truth and what Mikasa would think. (tumblr request)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Undone

**Author's Note:**

> Annie decides not to go through with her mission to bring down humanity because of her relationship with Mikasa. Annie and Mikasa act very affectionate to one another. Annie keeps having nightmares of Mikasa discovering she’s a titan shifter with bad endings so one day when they have liberty Annie tells Mikasa she’s a shifter and her mission and breaks down due to fear Mikasa will turn against her and begs her not to leave her.

The way that Mikasa’s eyes filled with rage terrified Annie. She had only ever seen her girlfriend like that a handful of times. Mikasa began to advance on her, growling, “You’re a _titan_?”

“Mikasa, I swear, I was going to tell you-” She retreated, eyes widening even as her chest grew tight. It was not how she wanted to let Mikasa know. Annie wanted desperately to cry. “Mikasa, I meant to tell you before anything happened.”

“Before _what_ happened?” Mikasa continued to get closer, drawing her paring blades. The grey eyes that usually looked at her with such affection and openness were dark. There was hate in her eyes.

Annie’s eyes began to water as her back met the wall of an alleyway. “I didn’t want to do it, Mikasa, I was raised to do it.” She held her hands up even as Mikasa drew closer, eyes shutting to block out the image of the one person she loved turning on her. Annie whimpered, “Please, let me tell you why.”

“I don’t care _why_ , Leonhardt,” she spat. Mikasa raised her blade and even though she couldn’t see it, Annie heard it and began trembling. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t shift. She couldn’t harm Mikasa like that.

[X]

She bolted straight up, tears streaming down her face as she gasped for air. Annie looked around in a panic; seeing the other bunks of her squadmates, she took a shaky breath and pressed a hand over her chest to feel the pounding of her heart. The young woman eventually took her hand from her chest and ran both hands over her cheeks, sniffling and trying to dry her tears. Her throat felt raw from crying- both in the dream and as she woke up. Annie silently hoped that she hadn’t screamed and woke anyone. But seeing that no one else was moving or shifting in their beds, she felt a slight reassurance. Her eyes turned upwards, to the bottom of Mikasa’s bunk. A small portion of Annie wanted to climb up to her bunk and wake her for cuddles. But the other portion was afraid of having to explain her nightmare.

Annie had been having nightmares near constantly for the past month. With graduation looming closer, she kept thinking about her mission. She had been going over and over the possible scenarios and none ended well. _How could it possibly end well when the mission calls for numerous soldier deaths? Including Mikasa, if it truly came down to it_.

The very thought of harming Mikasa made her sick. In their sparring matches, they did not hold back and Annie was all right with that because no matter which one of them won, Mikasa would always flash a small smile at her. And when most of the squad was already walking ahead to get back in formation, Mikasa would slip an arm around Annie’s waist and lean in for a soft kiss.

She was only ever openly affectionate with Mikasa. It made her smile to remember when they first started to become close. It was during kitchen duty for Annie and Mikasa had snuck in to find something to help Eren’s cold. They ended up talking about cures for common colds, which led to Mikasa telling a funny story about another time Eren had been sick and when Annie actually smiled and tried to hide a giggle, they started to talk more. Mikasa was then shocked that evening in the barracks when Annie came and handed her a sealed bowl of soup for Eren.

Annie smiled faintly and settled back down, staring up at the bottom of Mikasa’s bunk. Her eyes widened again when she heard movement and she nearly stopped breathing. But when she saw the shadow from the bunk above her peek over the edge, Annie smiled weakly. She whispered, “Hey.”

“Hey,” Mikasa whispered back. She asked, “Can’t sleep?”

“Just a bad dream. I’ll be ok though,” she replied softly.

There was a pause and then the taller girl said, “You can come up, if you want.” She dropped her hand down and smiled when Annie reached out to brush their fingers together. “I can warm you up.”

“I think I could spare to get warmer,” Annie chuckled. She got up and climbed the ladder to get settled down with Mikasa. She tangled one leg between Mikasa’s and rested her head on her girlfriend’s shoulder. Snuggling against her side felt warm and safe and Annie felt some of the tension leave her body. “Thank you, Mikasa.”

“Anytime,” she said gently. She turned her head to press a kiss to Annie’s forehead and mumbled, “I love you.”

Annie shut her eyes and sighed softly, lips curling in a smile, “I love you too.”

[X]

She groaned, pulling herself out of her titan body and stumbling to the ground. “Mikasa?” She looked around, viewing the destruction around her. The mission had been moderately successful and the walls had been demolished. Annie had seen some people running and decided to go the direction they had gone. It was a slew of bodies. Some were mangled, as though they had been whipped around and yet others were missing limbs. That was when she saw the scarf. It was ironic that she would see the scarf first.

“Mikasa?” Her voice was so shaky and she didn’t want to see anything else. She looked like she was slumped over the remains of the wooden cart. Annie was starting to tremble. This wasn’t what she had wanted. She tried to warn Mikasa, told her she had a bad feeling, told her to stay away from the inner wall. Annie whimpered, “Mikasa, please…please say something.”

There was no answer. She didn’t move. There wasn’t even a rise and fall to her back, to let her see if Mikasa was breathing. As she got closer, Annie could tell that Mikasa was no longer in one piece. She shook her head. “This isn’t real. Mikasa, c’mon, please, just tell me. S-Sasha convinced you to try and pull a prank on me.”

Annie lowered Mikasa’s torso to the ground and reached up with a trembling hand to close her eyes. A sob caught in her throat as she whispered, “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Mikasa. You deserved so much. So much more than all of this.” She ran her hands through Mikasa’s hair and lightly stroked her cold cheek. “I’m sorry. I love you. I love you, Mika.” The tears were falling freely. She leaned over and pressed her lips to Mikasa’s forehead, shaking as she felt how cold she was.

[X]

She startled awake again, this time screaming. Mikasa dropped out of her bunk within seconds to very quickly get into Annie’s bed and cup her cheeks. “Annie, Annie, it’s all right, it’s ok.” She glanced out of the corner of her eye and saw a few people rousing. She said just loud enough to be heard, “It’s fine, everyone, go back to sleep. I’ve got it.” There was some grumbling from the people that Annie’s scream had woken but there were no outright protests or arguments. After a few seconds, everyone had settled back down and Mikasa turned her full attention back to her girlfriend.

Annie was trembling and breathing hard. She whimpered and brought her shaking hands to Mikasa’s hips. The shorter girl whispered, “I love you. I’m sorry. I’m awake, this is real, right?”

“Yes, this is real, you’re awake.” Mikasa leaned in and pressed soft kisses to Annie’s cheeks, whispering between kisses, “I love you too, Annie, it’s ok. I love you.” She shifted slightly to pull her girlfriend onto her lap, bringing the blanket with her and holding her protectively. “It’s all gonna be ok, Annie.”

She nestled as closely to Mikasa as humanly possible, trying her best to stop shivering. “I love you. I love you so much.” Annie was still crying and shaking but her breathing was starting to grow steadier. Softly, Annie asked, “Will you tell me that you love me some more?”

Mikasa smiled and ducked her head to tap a kiss to the tip of Annie’s nose and replied, “I love you.” She kissed one of Annie’s cheeks. “I love you.” Mikasa grabbed one of Annie’s hands and started to press kisses to each of her fingers, saying, “I love you,” between each kiss. Slowly, Annie’s trembling stopped and when Mikasa looked back up at her face, she saw that her girlfriend was no longer crying. “You all right?”

“Yeah,” Annie murmured softly. She nuzzled her head against Mikasa’s neck and asked, “Do you want to go out tomorrow?”

“Are you asking me out on a date?” Mikasa teased. She gently stroked Annie’s cheek and replied, “I’d love to.” She could feel Annie shift on her lap and smiled when their eyes met. “You ready to go to sleep again?”

“As long as you’ll sleep with me,” Annie retorted.

The pair got settled with Annie’s back pressed firmly to Mikasa’s front. Annie smiled, feeling her girlfriend’s arm slip firmly around her waist. Mikasa kissed the back of the shorter girl’s neck, mumbling, “I love you, Annie.”

[X]

Their morning was spent grabbing a quick breakfast in the chow hall before being called into formation and getting dismissed on liberty. Mikasa smiled and took Annie’s hand as they began the short walk into town. There were people running past them and shouting to one another. They were all happy to be on their last liberty weekend. Graduation was the next week. Giving Annie’s hand a gentle squeeze, Mikasa asked, “Where do you want to go first?”

“How about the bakery so we can have a real breakfast? That slop we had nearly made me sick,” Annie muttered.

“It was porridge,” the taller girl reminded her.

“I thought I just said slop,” Annie said. She grinned when Mikasa shook her head. “C’mon, you know that whenever I had kitchen duty, you could actually taste the fucking food.” Her girlfriend nudged her and she smirked brighter.

Mikasa shrugged and replied, “I can’t really deny that. So, off to the bakery. What do you want when we get there?”

“One of those cream filled pastries. The ones that are almost like they’re filled with pudding.” She caught Mikasa’s smirk and she mumbled, “Shut up, you said you’d never tease me about that.”

“I had no idea that you liked pudding that much, ok? It was kind of cute to see the little smile on your face and you had no idea that you had this little smear of pudding at the corner of your mouth.” A giggle left her when she looked at Annie and saw her pouting. “You never let me have any fun when it comes to how cute you are.”

Annie huffed, “I’m not cute, I’m _terrifying_.”

“Yes, sweetheart, you’re the scariest being known to mankind.” There was a pause and when Mikasa didn’t get a response, she looked over at her girlfriend. Her eyes widened at the haunted look in Annie’s expression and she stopped, pulling Annie aside just outside of town. “Annie, what’s wrong?”

“Is there…somewhere that we can sit and talk?” She added quickly, “Where no one else can hear.” Mikasa nodded slowly, feeling her heart sink.They walked further from the road and sat in a field under a tree. She sat across from Annie and reached out, taking both of her hands in her own.

“Is this about your nightmares?” When Annie nodded, she shifted a little so that their knees bumped slightly. “They’ve been really bothering you. And it’s been scaring me.”

“I know, Mika, it’s just- I’m afraid that you’ll hate me.” Her heart was racing and Annie couldn’t bear to look Mikasa in the eyes.

“Annie, I won’t hate you,” her girlfriend replied softly. She gave her hands a squeeze. “Just tell me. It’ll be ok.”

Annie bit her lip and tensed as she whispered, “I’m a titan.”

There was a long silence between them as Mikasa tried to make sure she wasn’t imagining what she had heard. “A titan?”

She was starting to tear up as she hurriedly explained, “I can become a titan. I was supposed to perform a mission by infiltrating the walls and bringing down humanity from within but I can’t, I can’t do it. Not-” Annie could feel the tears falling and she sniffled as she continued, “I can’t do it. I can’t go through with the mission because now I have you and I don’t want to lose you.”

“The nightmares…were about this mission?” Mikasa was blatantly staring at Annie. When her girlfriend nodded, Mikasa could feel her start to tremble again.

“Please, Mikasa. Don’t leave me. I wanted to tell you so that you wouldn’t hate me if it ever came out,” she whimpered. She flinched when Mikasa pulled her hands away and Annie wanted desperately to curl up and start sobbing. But then she felt her girlfriend’s hands on her shoulders and she hazarded a glance up at her. Mikasa’s expression was almost unreadable but Annie could see a faint twinge of the protective look Mikasa had whenever Annie had a nightmare. “Mikasa, please, tell me that you won’t leave me. I don’t want to lose you, I love you.”

“I love you too, Annie,” she whispered back. The surprise was almost overpowering the look of relief on Annie’s face as Mikasa pulled her into a hug. “I’m glad you told me. Now I know I can protect you better.” She cupped her cheeks and pulled Annie into a soft kiss. “You aren’t going to lose me. But we can’t let anyone else find out.” Running her fingers into Annie’s hair and lightly brushing her bangs out of the way for a better look at her face, Mikasa looked at her seriously and said, “If anyone else finds out, they’re going to want you dead.”

Annie nodded, still nearly numb. She hadn’t expected Mikasa to just accept it so quickly. The girl shuddered when Mikasa leaned in to kiss her again and she hiccupped quietly. “I was so scared that you would hate me.”

“You decided to tell me the truth, despite the fact that it would jeopardize your mission. A mission that you just told me you’re giving up on. For me.” She leaned in pressed their foreheads together. “I love you, Annie. But I think I owe you one of those pastries that you love so much.” Mikasa smiled when Annie giggled softly. She kissed her cheeks again and said, “That’s the sweet Annie I know.”


End file.
